Experiences of a former charismatic
Dear Beloved Sister Tracy
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:" Eph 1:3 I will try and answer your questions as best I can, anything that I write is either witnessed or experienced, there will not be any hearsay. Some people that join the Charasmatic/Pentecostal Movement (CPM) do initially join with all the proper intentions and reasons:
- repentance of sin
- to serve God
- fear of hell
- salvation by grace in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ by accepting him as Lord and Saviour of your life.
- Other people join the CPM for the music and so called signs and wonders that CPM claim they do.
I was one of the former, I repented and accepted Jesus as my Saviour with sincerity and fear. I did not want to go to hell. I was very zealous for the Lord and his Bible, a few weeks later hands were layed upon me for the baptism of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of this by speaking in tongues. I didn't feel anything, I was told to clear my mind and ask God for this gift of tongues and then speak the language that the spirit would give you. There is immense pressure on you to speak in tongues otherwise you are not empowered and you will struggle in your walk with Christ.
I would stand there with my mouth open waiting for the Holy Spirit to move my mouth but nothing happened, eventually I was told that "you must speak and that the Holy Spirit would not move your mouth. Just speak the first thing that comes to your mind, receive it by faith, you have been prayed for and hands layed upon you therefore RECIEVE THE SPIRIT." The Pastor says over me and so I begin to jibber jabber and the Pastor says "That's it, keep speaking that's the tongue you have recieved you must now cultivate the language by speaking it as much as possible."
I didn't feel anything no heat or electricity like some of the others claim to feel when they are given the "gift of tongues" Some people fall down or weep uncontrollably or sweat so much that they need to change their clothes, others gyrate or shake or bounce up and down. The ones that fall down may also gyrate and shake uncontrollably, it all depends on how much the Holy Spirit decides to touch you and how high a profile the Preacher has.
This is all explained as the work of the Holy Spirit, people feel special and others envy at those that the Holy Spirit touches. I was one of those people that wanted an experience like that but never recieved it. (I thank the Lord because I now know that these manifestations were definitely the work of a spirit but not the Holy Spirit, they are unclean and seducing spirits) After I spoke in tongues I went to see an elder of the church and told him that the tongues I'm speaking are just things I'm saying from my mind, anybody could do what I'm doing you don't need to be baptised in the Holy Spirit just speak anything. He told me that all these doubts are lies from the devil and that he is trying to steal your gift, don't let him do it. What could I do but believe what he told me therefore anytime I spoke in tongues I had these doubts but I had to ignore them because they were from the devil. When I asked the others about their experience, questions like what did you feel when you were baptised in the spirit they would answer with claims of bolts of electricity, heat, heart pumping vigorously and that they had no control of what was happening to them. Diabolical isn't it.
Slaying in the spirit was something I never experienced. Twice I went to the alter to be slain but both times I was pushed. I was very disappointed and disillusioned. Why would this great and mighty man of God have to push me, is he pushing the others as well. I'm sure there are some people that pretend to fall down and some ministers that think they can knock people down but there are definitely those that actually do have the spiritual powers to do the slaying. I thank God that he spared me once again from this evil experience.
One evening a travelling evangelist with "great and mighty powers" was preaching at our church and then he had an alter call and began slaying people in the spirit, this guy was the genuine article some people were slain violently even before he touched them, they would fall backwards and be caught by "catchers"( this is now a calling and a ministry, to be a catcher) They would place them on the floor and be left alone for the spirit to do the work in their life that they needed, again some would shake, weep, and pray and occasionally hands are layed upon those that need further deliverence. One guy was on the floor stiff as a board and remained that way for the rest of the service.After the service a few of us went to a pizza place but first we picked up the stiff guy and put him in the back of a station-wagon and there he remained until about midnight. He was like that for 3 hours. We asked him what it felt likeand he had thesame feelings as others, warmth and electricity and no control over the situation, he said he tried to get up but couldn't. Of course this was the talking point of the church for quite a while. This particular fellow was never the same, he felt special and called by God and is now a full-time minister after attending Bible College.
This is one of the greatest defences for the slaying of the spirit. Not everybody that experiences some manifestation join a BibleCollege but many claim to pray longer or read the Bible more often or become a better person or just claim they are closer to God. They say "why would the devil want us to do all these things. It doesn't matter if there is no scriptural evidence, you can't put God in a box, this is the way God is moving in the last days." I was one of the few that rejected this manifestation, I asked questions about the slaying and didn't get any satisfactory answers. I was looked upon as religious and pious because I dare asked for scriptural evidence and then questioned the scriptures they used such as Saul on the road to Damascus, or the the people that fell backwards when they came to arrest Jesus John 18:6. Some even use Psalm 23:2 "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:" When you have a hardened heart you'll believe anything.
Like I said previously, the CPM keep people coming back by making them feel special and chosen, either by some spiritual manifestation or by giving them a special ministry in the church. Another way is by what they call "word of knowledge". One evening another one of these"gifted"preachers was at our church and he called me out of my pew to the alter to give me this "word of knowledge" from God, he said that "the Lord was going to use me in a mighty way and that many people would be saved under my ministry, hundreds of people would be set free & delivered from Satans stronghold, no thousands of people would be saved under your ministry,no 10's of thousands of people will be touched by your life and that God was going to do many wonderful signs and wonders through you, many shall fall to your left and right but be stedfast and diligent and the Lord shall make your path straight."
After a word like that over you how can you not feel special and think God has chosen you for a special task that only you can fulfil, but as I told you in my testimony as you fall short and sin, guilt and condemnation will drag you so low that you can't even face God especially me because I've let God down after this great calling that I am suppose to fulfil. These are the mind games that are placed upon you and you yourself begin to entertain.
The CPM view Bible Believers as religious, pious, legalistic, shrivilled, boring, without life, baptised in lemon juice, modern day Pharisees, bigoted, the Divine Elect who claim to have found the truth, and of course their all time favourite putting God in a box. They teach their congregation to stay away from Bible Believers ( obviously they don't call us that) because they are trying to steal your joy and zeal and because of their stringent and complete obedience to the Bible we make the Word of God of no effect. They claim that there must be room for change and that if you do not accept change then how can you possibly grow in the Lord.
The whole experience didn't affect my marriage we get on very well and love each other very much, my wife is a wonderful woman and we managed to escape the clutches of this diabolical cult with our marriage intact. Many other couples have had many troubles and divorce is a common occurence in the CPM. I can't really comment on this as I didn't have much to do with married couples, I can say that the same reasons people get divorced in the CPM as in the world.
The Lord to me was the Jesus I read about in the Bible, as I said earlier I came to the Lord with a sincere heart and thought that I had recieved Jesus and forgiveness of sin, but I now know that it was the another Jesus another spirit and another gospel that 2 Corinth.11:4 speaks about. Thats why the CPM would have to be the most dangerous, perverted diabolical cult that Satan ever devised, the salvation message is so close to the truth but just slightly perverted enough that you miss the mark, and people like me who had a genuine and sincere desire to serve the Lord are ensnared by these false prophets, deceitful workers and ministers of unrighteousness ( 2 Corinthians 11:13-15) I became involved in the Faith/Prosperity Gospel.(FPG)
To give you an example of how keen I was I'll tell you something at the risk of boasting but that is not why I am telling you, I've told a few people and some find it hard to believe and others are convicted to memorise more scriptures.
You see in the FPG they get you to memorise scripture (and they use the KJV) because of scriptures such as:- Josh 1:8 - Rom 10:17 12:1-2
The Lord is my witness and what I'm saying is truth but I memorised the
-entire Book of Ephesians
-entire Book of James
-entire Book of 1 John
- first 2 Chapters of 1Peter
- about 10 Psalms eg Pslm 23 and 91 etc
- and countless amounts of various scripture
and it was word perfect and KJV just because I was told to do it and because the scriptures said to do it. Others would memorise many scriptures maybe not as many as me but they would do it because we were hungry for God's Word but terribly deceived, this is the sort of hold the CPM can have on you. Praise the name of the Lord Jesus Christ for delivering us from this bondage and pray for anybody you know that is involved in the CPM that the Lord may bring them out of it. Everybody that is in the movement has, or will eventually backslide and then feel doomed and condemned as they need to keep up good works to maintain their salvation and of course they will all fail.
Tracy please feel free to use anything I have written as you see fit, I pray that others are made aware of how serious and dangerous the CPM is and they will do all they can to get people out of it. Thank-You for this opportunity to write down some of my experiences. I will write to you again of other experiences and please write to me anytime and pray for me, I will more than likely enrol myself in Bible-College next year I want to serve the Lord full-time. I remember you and your ministry in my prayers.
"To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen." Jude 25
Your brother in the Lord Jesus Christ
See Brother Don's testimony here
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